Fifth Post: How to Live and Let Be!

Anthony de Mello's "Self-Observation"

What is the most important thing you can do when no one can help you?

The most important thing that anyone can do is to do some "self-observation". What de Mello means by this is that there can only one of you taking the center in your life at a time. Have you ever had a backseat driver while you're driving in the car? Well, it's the same thing. Sometimes in anything, you just need to watch what's going on. We tend to make the situation worse by trying to take the wheel while someone is already driving. It'll only confuse you. We have to learn to take a breath, figure out and understand the situation, then it will naturally correct itself. So the next time someone says watch yourself, really watch and see what you are doing instead of taking the "wheel".

What is the difference between self-observation and self-absorption? What is self-observation?

What self-observation is, in essence, is to watch yourself from a detached, non-judgmental point of view. The point of this is to understand what is it that you're doing before you do it or as you are doing it. Since the key thing is to understand yourself, there is no technique, nor script, nor how to guide to make you understand your personal being. This is tricky because it's one of the many things in life that you're going to have to figure out on your own. Self-Absorption is almost it's opposite. You are so invested in making sure that what you are doing is right, when by doing so you are losing sight of the point of doing it in the first place. When a cloud in the sky is floating by in the breeze, but you go and decide to move it one way or the other out of preference, then the cloud isn't doing it's job as a cloud which is to just float there until the end of it's journey. You are actually hindering it's job that was already fine to begin with because of your personal perception.

Why do we suffer?

We are disillusioned to the idea that we are the embodiment of our feelings and emotions. In fact, it could be seen as the other way around. Our emotions and preferences are the products of the presence and function of our being. These things that we convinced ourselves to be are ephemeral and ever changing. I could have easily had a sad emotion this morning and in the evening I might have expressed a happy emotion for something else. These feelings are fine. They help us and are involved with everyday life, but they are not the set or permanent things that inhabit us. If we learn to let go one feeling for the next between moments, then life would be so much easier to cope with.

Anthony De Mello uses the analogy of the sky and clouds to speak about the relationship between our true "self" and our thoughts/emotions/different states of life. How does he define the the self/"I"?

De Mello thinks of the sky itself as an analogy to the "observer-self" that we have inside. I guess you can call this the "main-stage ego". The conscious "I" that experiences and takes in the world as it is. the one that we use to communicate. The one that we use for objective and subjective thinking. The one that we use to analyze information and finds a solution. And the clouds are an analogy to the "action-self". You can call this the "backstage" ego. This is the subconscious "I" that can be described as the subconscious mind, the reactor, or the hidden side. This ego is the one that forms the control center for the human emotion i.e. the instinctual part of the mind. This also considered the "doer" in the relationship between the other ego, which is the "thinker". These sides are considered independent of one another because they do act independent of the other ego from time to time. However, they can and most of the time influence the other into doing what they want depending on the situation. The fact is, we have to separate the two in order to find the pure acting self that just reacts to what is going on in that moment and have the main-stage ego just watch.

If you understand things they will do what?

If you understand things, they will automatically fall into place. Just that plain and simple. If the body and the mind take the time to understand how is does the thins it does and why, then there will be even more of a harmony between them and you discover what works and what doesn't based on the situation.

Finish the sentence from 5:25: "What you judge, you..."

DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Reflection:

I think that de Mello is trying to say that identifying as your emotions is not the right way to go because that would be making all of yourself one thing, an ephemeral thing, and that's not what you are. I think he was saying that the parts of the sum individually are not the whole in and of itself. You can't say that the cloud is the sky, when the sky is not made up of just clouds. (Sun, rain, rainbows, wind, etc.) The "I" that most of the time that I refer to that makes the decision saying "I am not myself" would be the observer "I" that I was going on about in one of the previous questions. Of course I can refer to the other or both at the same time and the both would be considered "I" in that context. But as a present and logical/emotional being I would have to say which ever one that I'm in tune or aware of at the time. I don't feel comfortable about making a list about the parts that I think are precious qualities of me because I would like to think that I leave that up to who I interact with because relationships and the value of parts of me change according to each person. But if I were to choose some and present them, I would still consider them to be only a part of the whole and not the whole itself. I'm in constant evolution of myself so these things too can be replaced by others according to what the future has in store and how I handle them. Plus, there are parts of me that I haven't discovered yet, so there is no basis saying that this is all of me as I am and here are the best parts. I don't even know how to begin quantifying what is more important to say that this is me and this is the best of me. Tim! Why you do this?

Angela Bradshaw on the "Alexander Technique"

What happens when we experience fear, stress and anxiety? Why?

We start to become narrower, more tense and smaller. This is an indication that your flight or fight response is taking over your body and you are unable to do anything else.

The Alexander Technique does what?

It gives is the freedom to choose what we want to do with our bodies.

Finish the sentence (4:10ish) "Nature would prefer..."

US TO BE IN BALANCE!

What are the three points of contact for the foot?

The base of the big toe, the base of the small toe and the base of the heel.

What are the three hinges in our legs?

The ankles, the knees, and the hip joint.

Where are the hip joints?

They are the bony protrusions under the waist line of the hips.

Allow the pelvis to be heavy like an....?

ANCHOR!

Where is the top of the spine?

It is in line at ear level.

Reflection:

In my opinion, connection between the mind and the body is finding the harmony of being conscious about the body without trying to be the back seat driver to it. You can only give it guide lines and provisions about what it should and shouldn't do consciously and the rest is up to itself.